The Someday Dog

The Someday Dog

A dog-walker takes on a St. Bernard sized bit of intrigue.
Contains witness tampering, frozen cocktails and Milk-Bones

The dog park nearest the state capitol building has more security than the governor’s mansion. I swipe my clearance card at the gate house, and the guard pokes through my knapsack with blue gloved fingers.

I’m carrying the usual: wet wipes, plastic bags, organic beef sticks, three tennis balls and a vet’s first aid kit. I sign in on the digital clipboard.

Dolly, the Saint Bernard at my side thumps her tail. The last un-adopted puppy from her rogue litter tumbles over his own paws. I call him Three. He’s got his mother’s huge head and appetite, but not her brindle coloring.

Another guard lets us through the second interior fence. He has a tranquilizer gun on his hip. Here, the most lethal weapon is the Speaker of the House’s Great Dane.

A Pharaoh hound—dressed in an Armani coat and collar combo that costs more than a semester of law school—does his business in the grass, while the Lieutenant Governor’s wife chats on the phone about her villa in Aruba.

I’ve never been to the Caribbean. Every time I catch up on my student loans I dream about sandy beaches and rum drinks with fruit. Maybe someday.

My phone buzzes with the latest news alert on the latest hearing on the latest scandal. Sen. Caleb denies meeting with Saudi prince in March.

The Riyadh royal is a hot media item—his Wetterhoun took Best Rare Breed last year at Westminster, amid some controversy—it takes a special kind of jerk to keep a Frisian Water Dog in the middle of the desert.

After a good game of fetch, I get another text: On my way.

I gather up the saliva covered tennis balls, and call Dolly. We have plenty of time to visit the old veteran who hangs out near the entrance. He keeps a box of Milk-Bones in his wheelchair. Three loves him.

A black SUV with tinted windows pulls up to the curb, more stealth-tank than Escalade. The Secret Service driver gets out and opens the side door, and the Honorable Senator John Caleb steps from the vehicle with heavy authority.

Dolly woofs a greeting and races toward him, but stops at his feet and sits, ears forward. The politician looks almost human as he grins at his dog and rubs her head, the aura of power dissolving into doggy-talk murmurs of “Who’s a good girl?”

He feeds her a biscuit while Three spins in circles and pees on the sidewalk. The senator frowns at him. He still hasn’t forgiven Dolly for getting knocked up by an anonymous suitor. Normally, her pedigreed progeny collect ten thousand a pup.

“I found a home for the last one,” he says, nodding to the puppy.

Damn. I’m out of time.

“Girl lost her dog in a fire,” he says. In a neighborhood where he’s hoping for votes, I guess. He confirms it. “We’re going to make a moment of it. Can you be there?”

“What time, sir?” I won’t be in any of the photos, with my muddy paw wipes and poo baggies.

“Tomorrow, at four. Shouldn’t take more than twenty minutes. We’ll pick you up here.” He ushers Dolly into the van. I place the puppy in the crate behind the seat, and the driver slides the door closed. The SUV rolls away, tinted windows hiding the world’s secrets.

“I’ve always wanted a big dog like that,” the veteran says. “Maybe someday.”

He’s got cool tattoos, a sleeve of watercolor collage up his arm. “I’ve always wanted ink like that,” I say, putting a five dollar bill in his cup, for the Milk-Bones. “Maybe someday.”


Rollo meets me at the door, puppy barks and nippy teeth and sniffy nose. He’s a roly-poly bundle of energy, curly fur and curly tail, and huge paws. He doesn’t look like a rescue, abandoned by his mother at a week old. I bottle-fed him back to health.

He’s a mutt, mottled red and white patches, and utterly priceless.

He wrestles with my shoes and brings me his sock monkey for a game of tug of war. When he flops in exhaustion, I call every pet shop in town. One has a male eight-week-old Saint BerNewfoundland cross, with Landseer markings. Close enough.

I breathe a sigh of relief when my credit card deposit is accepted, but I don’t sleep that night.


I’ve never been in the Darth Vader van before. The driver rolls the side door open, and I get in. Three jumps all over me. My heart is pounding a million beats a second, and I’m surprised the puppy doesn’t feel my tension. Dolly would have.

The senator is in the front seat, examining his teeth in the vanity mirror. “All set?”

“Yes, sir,” I say, then, as the driver eases from the curb, I squawk. “Oops! Wait, no, he’s going!”

I grab Three around his middle and hold him away from my body while I fumble for the door. He fights me, kicking at my hands and his collar. “Wait, Three! Please, not in the car!”

I hop out of the van and run to the grass, adrenaline pounding in my muscles. Three escapes, barreling toward his friend with the Milk-Bones. The veteran nods once at me, then spins his chair so his back is to the SUV. After a quick glance around, he shoots me in the chest with a water pistol. “Like that?”

“Perfect.” I tell him. He lifts the blanket on his lap and I take the St. BerNewfie puppy body-double. It cuddles in to my wet chest, and I stand. “Thank you.”

“Thank you.” He hides Three under the cover and rolls away with a casual salute.

I climb back in the van. The driver is looking at the GPS screen. The senator is digging something out of his molars.

“Sorry about that, sir.”

“Better now than when the cameras are rolling,” he says as the SUV eases off the curb again. He doesn’t notice that Three 2.0 has gained two pounds in the last thirty seconds and smells slightly fishy with the squid ink I’d used to match up their markings.

I inhale, long and slow, forcing my breathing back to normal.

The little girl is delighted. The senator beams in the photos, securing another slew of votes.


A black SUV slides up to my duplex, then backs up to block the driveway. The warm evening goes silent, as if the neighborhood senses a threat.

My guts twist as the driver gets out, scans up and down the street, then rolls the side door open. Rollo whines.

My door and windows are open to screens, and my lights are on. I’m obviously home. The backdoor only leads out to the front again. I step outside, onto the porch.

Dolly gives a low woof in greeting. The senator tells her, “Stay.”

I give the driver an awkward wave. He ignores me, and I’m very aware of the pistol holster under his sport coat. Can Secret Service agents be forced to testify? The senator follows my glance as he steps toward my house. Beneath my fear, I wonder if he’s ever been to this end of town.

He stops at the bottom step and looks up at me. “Do we need to have a conversation?”

I feel foolish feigning ignorance, but I blink twice and ask, “About what, Senator?”

“I found this in the van last night.” He holds up Three’s purple collar. “But in our pictures, the little girl is holding a puppy with a collar exactly like this one. And the only reason to have two collars is if you have two dogs.”

I say nothing as he comes up the next step.

“Did you switch them? Are you stealing Dolly’s puppies?” His gaze skewers me, not with anger, but with disappointment. I swallow, hoping I don’t puke on his shoes. “Are you selling them?”

“No.” The word comes out of me in a rasp.

His eyes flick over my shoddy little house, and land back on me, now with pity. “They aren’t worth anything, without breeding documents from the sire. And we don’t know who that is.”

My mouth is too dry to speak. Dolly woofs again, sniffing at the air from the open door of the SUV.

“You do. You know who fathered them.” Senator Caleb tilts his head, the way a curious dog might. “Don’t tell me it’s that weird skinny Egyptian hound—“

Astonishment washes over me. He doesn’t know.

I bring my fingers to my lips and loose a sharp whistle.

A joyful bark erupts from my house, and Rollo cannonballs through my screen door. Dolly jumps out of the van, and meets him in the middle of the yard. She sniffs him from tail to ears. He nips her chin and rolls, while she noses his puppy belly, maternal instinct kicking right back in, even though she hasn’t seen him for six weeks. Their coloring matches exactly.

“That’s the runt,” John Caleb says. “I thought she rejected him.”

“She did. I took him.”

“Why? I’d have given him to you, if you’d asked.” He bends to stroke the puppy’s coat, curlier and lighter than his litter twins. Dolly nudges the man’s shoulder as he gently draws Rollo’s tail out straight and releases it. With a wag, it curls back over the puppy’s spine. “Cute little thing,” he says. “Reminds me of—“

The senator lurches to his feet, staring from Dolly to me to Rollo. The Secret Service agent snaps to attention as the politician takes a horrified step away from his beloved pet.

“Their sire was a Wetterhoun.” I confirm his suspicions, keeping my voice soft. “How many Frisian Water Dogs has Dolly come in contact with, sir?”

We both know the answer. Only one, and he belongs to a certain Saudi prince the Honorable Senator has sworn under oath that he hasn’t met.

His face is pale, but he’s remarkably calm for a man whose credibility and career are on the line. That scares me most of all.

“The other pups?” he asks. “You switched them all?”

“They’re in good homes, with people who don’t know their lineage. And that’ll stay that way while I’m safe and sound.” I pick up Rollo, and snuggle him to my chest, more for my comfort than his. He squirms a bit, then settles in and licks my chin. He has no idea that he’s DNA evidence of collusion, conspiracy, perjury and a whole lot of other things that would land the senator in jail.

He stares at me, with piercing eyes, brows drawn together. “But why?”

“Consider it witness protection.”

“I wouldn’t hurt a dog!” He’s genuinely offended. He’d send soldiers to war, and refuse to take care of them when they came home broken, but he’d never hurt a pet.

“I meant me.”

“Ah.” He sighs, now a man not lifted by power, but bearing the weight of it. “Dammit, Dolly.”

She moves to sit in front of him, her ears pricked forward. Like an automaton, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a kibble treat. She wolfs it down, and he rubs her head. “So what do you want?”

“Well, sir, I have a list.”


Barbados is lovely at the holidays. I throw a driftwood stick into the waves. Rollo barks, then wades into the surf.

The bartender calls from the cantina, and holds up my piña colada. I wave a thanks. The bandages on my arm itch, inked outlines peeking through, waiting their turn for color.

My phone buzzes with a news alert. In a surprise deviation from party stance, Sen. John Caleb approves millions in funding for the Service Dogs for Veterans program.

Rollo comes back with a completely different piece of driftwood. I ruffle his fur and throw again. I wonder if he’d like a pal, a Labrador to play fetch with, or an Irish Water Spaniel. Maybe someday.

Truly Deeply

truly dazzlingFresh and fun and fashionable–a mermaid in spangled spandex and designer seashells.

Wet flowers bloom strong, then ease into sugary herbs, water mint and those funny green lake apples that float on the surface in the summer. A bit later salt cascades into the sweet, the sharp edges of the crystals biting like ocean water.

I liked the insert enough to look for it in the store–it fades fast. A pick me up rather than a long wear, but the lack of white musk is refreshing.

Dark Saphir

dark saphirDark Saphir opens with a bomb siren of green violet and spices, then grows louder with industrial roses–they’ve been stripped of innocence and turned neon blue, fluorescent sillage at arms length that doesn’t settle down.
An hour later the blitz is still on, metallic flowers and galvanized seltzer rain. Eventually it cools to a clean patchi-oudish clear-coat that lasts all night.

Complicated and tense–one to wear when sporting thorns.



Artificial raspberries and vanilla in the most nostalgic way.

This is like getting pulled back in time, listening to Aerosmith while coloring a school poster with a Mr. Sketch scented marker–the fuchsia one.

We thought we were cool, drinking French vanilla powdered cappuccinos and sneaking sprays of our mother’s Hypnotic Poison before the dance.