Saint Julep

saint julep
Travel spray and Imaginary Authors book packaging, with pale green decals.

Remember that green gum that looked like pillows that squirted sugar syrup when you first chewed it?

Saint Julep is the sparkliest perfume I’ve ever sniffed. It’s that Turkish iced tea that knocks your drunk off at four in the morning, the half an Adderall you saved for finals week.
The mint itches on your skin, keeping you awake, jeering at the insomniacs who are too tired to enjoy the starlight, and then kisses you in the morning with still-fresh breath.

*

It’s a bop.

Black Phantom

black phantom edgy
Decant vial on a printout of by Killian’s black back-labeled bottle.

Decadent yet disconcerting, like having dessert cocktails at a mortuary.
Chocolate vodka and a shot of caramel liqueur in the coffee afterward, but in the basement is sandalwood coffin sawdust, candle wax and dried flower petals.

Seductive, androgynous, macabre and delicious.

*

Here’s a song as decadent, and macabre.

Tobacco Vanille

tobacco vanille
Tom Ford bottle, distorted behind a Four Roses bourbon bottle.

This is amazing.

Opens up with glorious daddy issues of pipe tobacco and bourbon, then dresses in a chocolate velvet vest with a watch chain and takes me out to the lesbian billiards bar.
I drink vanilla shots until I’m cut off for spilling one and we go home to empty cabinets except for that fruitcake I re-gifted and got back two years later.
It’s delicious. Best date ever.


Filthiest song ever.