Neroli Portofino

neroli portofino edgesA drier 4711, less sweet, less herbal, with twice the lasting power…
…which means twenty minutes rather than ten.

The orange flower is lovely, but it gets eaten up by the bergamot pretty quickly. I like the amber at the bottom–it roughs up the jasmine, but the rosemary and lavender don’t have the freshness of the basil.

If I were stupid rich, I might buy a bottle, but tried and true and cheap suits me just fine.

Black Orchid

Black orchidChocolate covered mushrooms.
Tom Ford’s biggest is actually an olfactory pun on truffles!
The bottle is even textured like gills.

Opens sweet and dirty and loud, earthy cocoa and umami fungus that grows on your skin and your clothes and the walls of your dining room.
They slowly warp into wet white flowers and syrupy fruit, in a change of dinner courses that doesn’t take the old plates away, a trencher of watermelon garnished with petals and patchouli.
Afterwards vanilla beans, smoked like cigars.

Very sexy, in a you-make-me-hungry way, but don’t wear it if you’re dieting.


So many ‘shroomy covers of this song. I’m stuck on this awesome Arabic one right now.

Noir de Noir

noir de noir with roseThis hit me with pruned roses in a vase, overly sugared lemonade, then amaretto non-dairy creamer–gorgeous wild things tamed and tempered to be generic.
I felt the need to mind my dirty mouth, to check my shirt buttons for too much cleavage.

Then the guy said, “You smell like my mother.
So that’s that.


I’m not often one for acapela, but this is kind of amazing.

Tobacco Vanille

tobacco vanilleThis is amazing.

Opens up with glorious daddy issues of pipe tobacco and bourbon, then dresses in a chocolate velvet vest with a watch chain and takes me out to the lesbian billiards bar.
I drink vanilla shots until I’m cut off for spilling one and we go home to empty cabinets except for that fruitcake I re-gifted and got back two years later.
It’s delicious. Best date ever.


Filthiest song ever.