floral

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Velvet Orchid

Flocked faux flower (Say that three times fast!) and a mini purple bottle of Velvet Orchid.

Another olfactory pun by Tom Ford… fake flowers indeed.

I get a nice light orange honey out of the bottle that slowly turns purple–grape juice dye no. 69, lolly-sweet–and a huge mixed bouquet of gorgeous flowers, that weirdly smells more and more plastic the closer it gets to the skin.
Several hours later the blooms fade to faux suede–is it the labdanum that gives a slight chemical smoke?–and vanilla with a resin wood base, that last all night long.

I’m not sure how I feel about it.
It’s lovely from a distance, but Velvet Orchid costs a lot of money for a bunch of artificial flowers, and the concept of “tacky couture” can seem elitist and absurd.

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This is how you do absurd right.

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Myths

Purple ombre Myths mini bottle on a magenta carnation pom-pom.

Carnation smoke and green kid gloves, with retro tailoring.

Fills the room with sharp with incense-y labdanum and chrysanthemum florals out of the bottle, then settles to a bright spicy clove. 1970’s Estee Lauder moss soon creeps in over 80’s Drakkar Noir leather, but manages to stay delicate, the whole day long.
There’s a nice witchy “cool aunt” vintage vibe to it.

Sweeter on clothes than on the skin.

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This B-side came out in 1980, and layers strung out funk with a bit of new age synth.

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Quel Amour!

A pomegranate, blueberries, cherry tomatoes, a golden pear and a rose, with a half full Annick Goutal melon bottle.

Pez powder fruit salad, for the soprano who is too modest for Deci Dela.

There’s something sharp and high-pitched about it, yet sweet–the aria where the ingenue laments in white while holding a dagger.

Loud in personal space with spicy pomegranate and sour cherry dust, and good in the afternoon with a glass of rosé, (which, like Quel Amour! and opera, gives a headache if over indulged.)

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Cool pandemic art. (Annie Lennox is not shrill.)

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Xmas E

Blue capped vintage splash bottle with gold label, among green tree ornaments.

Merry merry to me!
This came in a cardboard box with very 50s Golden Age ivory scroll packaging–Fragonard first released Xmas E in 1929, possibly to compete with Caron’s Nuit de Noel–though this label font and plastic lid seem more recent.
(The eau is in good shape, though quite dark, and stains the skin like iodine.)
I wish I could find more info on it. A brief note at perfumeintelligence.co.uk, says this was rebranded as “Orchidée,” but I haven’t seen any other reference to that.

Opens with boozy spiced plums and some aldehyde fizz, which I’m guessing might actually be ylang-ylang, roses and sandalwood with a sprinkle of cinnamon.
The florals are balanced out with oaky woods on the bottom. I bet it was marketed to men, too, when it was first made.
Very festive in a mulled wine way–I think it’s cool that our ideas of what smells like Christmas hasn’t changed in almost a hundred years.

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Listening to this one tonight.
Merry merry, all.

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Chloé

Revamped rectangular Chloé mini bottle in the center of a ginormous fuchsia rose.

This relaunch came out in 2008–a complete break from the original Lagerfeld tuberose potion— now a sheer tea rose.

New Chloé opens with sweet soapy peonies and a soft fruity hit of lychee. The rose blooms quickly, so squeaky shower clean it’s almost transparent, and lasts inside personal space until soaked off again in a hot bath.

Floral, feminine and pristine.
I’m way too messy to pull it off.

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Here are some feminine roses and other flowers, from the album Petals for Armor.

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Cabotine

Mini Cabotine with frosted green clover-leaf lid, sitting in water floated with more green leaves.

In the summer Cabotine is an overwhelming mess of spicy flowers; in cold weather it becomes cassis tea with honey.

Heavy carnation, gingery white florals and huge green hyacinth are eye-watering in the heat, with a whopping dose of black currant on the top and bottom giving a bite of acidic fruit in the beginning and an angry cat scratch at the end.

But in the winter, everything blends into sweetness, berries and nectar and soft musk, cheerful and petal soft–and worn under clothes, the sillage relaxes to an enjoyable comforting layer.
Lasts til morning on skin, and til spring on fabric.

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Cabotine came out in 1990. So did Sinéad O’Connor’s iconic cover of Prince’s “Nothing Compares 2 U.”

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Fruitchouli Flash

Sugar coated peach gummy candy and a bottle with a black and white “F” Tauerville label.

A spontaneous date in a bottle that starts flirty and sweet, and ends dirty (in the best way.)

Comes in with a two pound bag of Haribo peach gummies and an armload of white roses that soon get rogered up by earthy patchouli.
Brash and loud, it gives you a laughing good time, and hangs out til the next morning.

And I’d call it “genderful” rather than “unisex,” sliding all over the spectrum–from sugary feminine florals to blunt masculine woods–rather than staying in some safe place in between.

Fun.

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A genderful song that’s not by Cher or Bowie:

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Golden Delicious

Mini gold chrome DKNY apple sitting in the center of a halved golden delicious.

(I love TJMaxx flanker gift sets!)
This is the most refined of the Be Delicious line that I’ve sniffed so far.

A slice of fresh apple, soft flowers and a bit of plum sauce, that quickly go green with lily-of-the-valley for an hour–the usual DKNY floral fruit teacher’s fare.
Later when the woods give the base some backbone, it gets sophisticated–turns out the substitute has a master’s degree in postmodern design.

Lasts through afternoon study hall in personal space.

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Another Golden that’s delicious.

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Be Delicious Rio

Gala apple next to a mini DKNY chrome apple and a pink flower blossom.

Happy hour on ladies’ night.

First splash is apple vodka and passionfruit flavored whipped topping, then calms down to sweet orange flowers in personal space. Fades after two hours, leaving a smudge of benzoin on the skin.

The ending sweet resin is rather nice–if it had more depth, this one would wear well for date night, not just drinks with the girls.

(I’ve never been to Rio, sadly. Does it smell like Gala Apple Stoli?)

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This Girl is Crazy by Brazilian pop star Anitta is too fun.

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Chloé

Mini iconic curvy bottle with translucent troll horn stopper, casting gold shadows.

Chloé is pure fun sunshine, from beach wear and flip-flops to glamorous midsummer weddings.

Aldehyde fresh, citrus spiked peach punch, garnished with tropical flowers for an hour at the beginning, that warms up with spicy carnations and white flowers, heavy on sweet tuberose. Dry woods at the bottom anchor it at arms length for the day and to clothes for the night.

I love the ’70’s intrigue movie vibe to it, sea-kissed Jacqueline Bisset from The Deep, Gloria Hendry in the patchwork bikini in Live and Let Die.

Luckily, it’s easy to find a vintage bottle, and it seems to keep well–though current pop culture makes the bottle top look less like calla lilies than Shrek ears.

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The best Bond song ever: