I once had Swedish Moose Cheese at a fancy-ass gallery opening thing. The stuff is a thousand euros a kilo.
All these people standing around making o-faces at their crackers with gold leaf, and I’m thinking what is wrong with me, that I don’t get it?
It’s a nice feta, but…
Moonlight in Heaven is a nice perfume.
I get some artificial coconut and a good mango popsicle, then a bridal dress store–creamy powdered lilies with a dish of foil-wrapped chocolates on a side table.
Maybe I’m just not classy enough to appreciate this properly.
Month: May 2018
La Rose Angel
La Rose Angel smells like you’ve been heating cotton candy over a can of Sterno in the back of a florist’s shop.
Sugar floss and hothouse blooms, but dank in the shadows.
*
Cola
A fast bubbly splash of Coca-Cola, cheeky spice and snappy sweet citrus, and then it’s gone.
Too much caffeine for a children’s party, too juvenile for cocktails. This is the quick kiss at a high school locker between classes–fresh laughter and a pop of effervescence–then nothing but a memory.
Liking this one right now–check out how much the drummer gets out of just that tambourine.
Tomato
Tomato by Demeter is every urban gardening hipster chick sunbathing topless on the roof. Stray honeysuckle and dandelion weeds are overtaken by crushed tomato leaves and the great red globes ripening on the vine. A smudge of pollution and sweat and dirt sticks to the skin, but doesn’t stop the invasive Organic Goddess green.
I’d worship her in the summer.
Forget what you think about “cheap” perfumes and buy the big bottle–it makes a wonderful room spray, too.
Willie Nelson and Cyndi Lauper singing a Gershwin duet is my favorite thing today.
Love Relentlessly
Mango syrup Sno-cones and patchouli imbued beach blankets.
An over-produced pop song sung by a bleach bottle blonde: synth fruity lyrics with a catchy floral hook and a ubiquitous bass line.
Fun, but forgettable when the sun goes down and the radio station changes.
The Chateau
This was so much fun.
Clever and marvelously explicit as always, but THE CHATEAU has a slightly different feel than the original Originals–a little more action, a little more intrigue, and a whole lotta King.
We go back in time, to a younger Kingsley, on a mission that takes us to a castle themed after The Story of O, only now the roles are reversed, and Madame’s women rule the rooms at the chateau.
King is 24, and full of…er, spunk, so to speak, but we get a deeper PoV that makes us bleed for him, and fall in love that much harder as he unravels the mystery and risks getting unraveled himself.
I was so lucky to get an early version of this one, and it might be my favorite so far. I hope we get more bawdy thrillers starring our favorite filthy Frenchman.
THE CHATEAU comes out June 5th–you can pre-order it on amazon over here.
Pistachio Brûlée
Muzzy nut candy.
Opens clear yet cloyingly sweet, a fizzy cream soda with a hint of almond and pistachio flavoring–then gets murky as it warms into a nasty yet kind of enjoyably sweaty honey amber.
Edit – 4/7/22
This one is still in production–not a bad buy for a light gourmand with acceptable performance.
The candle has a lot more nuts.
*
I love this old school new generation blues!
Citron Glacé
Citron Glace is a mouthful of Tutti Dolce’s Lemon Meringue without the pie crust, at a summer term sorority party. The sugar fades to an antiseptic lemonade close to the skin after an hour, and leaves a sticky sour candy residue on clothes.
Would make an excellent dorm room candle.
Edit – 7/12/22
Smells like furniture polish and feet when it gets old.
*
Here’s a much fresher and more cheerful lemon.
Côte des Palmes
Room service cantaloupe for breakfast from the beach hotel, delivered with a narcissus in a bud vase. A hint of unobjectionable white musk from the serving tray linens.
Sweet, yet fleeting.
A nice relaxing vacation, but you only Insty’d two photos.
Macaron Rosé
Starts as sugar crystal rose, then oozes pink truck-stop bathroom dispenser soap, but manages to pull it into flower water taffy at the end.
Fast and close and cheap, yet sweet and somehow delightful.
kira a. gold 